Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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