I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
