I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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