I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
