when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
