One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
