your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
