My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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