Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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