I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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