I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
