I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
