I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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