She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately