Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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