Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.