dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle