I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water