I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.