textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
