I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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