I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
