The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
