I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize