The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
