help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
