so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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