you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You took a bar mat shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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