Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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