U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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