did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
