seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
