My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
