Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
