Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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