you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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