i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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