You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
