I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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