i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
