The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
