This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
