you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
