I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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