all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
