Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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