If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
