Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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