And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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