you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
