What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
