my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
