Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
