Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
