I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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