Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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