I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
