YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
