My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sober January is a disaster.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
COCAINE IS GR8
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