i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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