just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
