I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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