Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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