Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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