So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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