This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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