at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're too hungover to prance.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
