You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
