woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
