I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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