Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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