doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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