I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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