Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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