What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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