did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
