so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
