U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
