What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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