im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
