you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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