I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
