You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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