Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
