I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
