Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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