you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
