Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
