Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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