My friends, they love my intelligence
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize